Platinum Rule

This week, I learned that we can't always treat people the way we want to be treated, because they may want something different. The most diverse group in my circle right now, would be my colleagues. The differences in the way I communicate with my colleagues, has more to do with my relationship with each of them, verses our differences. I am more open about my feelings, concerning our work environment, family issues, and personal struggles (which at times can be stressful and chaotic) to the co-workers I have a more intimate relationship with, than I am with those I just met this year. Our differences( race, family identities etc.) does not change my way of communicating with any of them.

The three strategies I could use to communicate effectively would be:

1. Recognize my own beliefs, identities and schemas

2. Take the time to listen and identify the needs and desires of others, instead of assuming what they want or need.

3.  Try to place myself in their position, by empathizing with them( others)

Example of inappropriate communication strategy:

Who wants to be treated this way?

Verbal and nonverbal cues

The show I chose to watch was "Bold and the Beautiful". I chose to watch the show,  because my sister does not miss an episode. I have gone over her house, and she( sitting at the computer with a pair of head phones on her ears) is literally arguing with the characters on the show. I could only stomach a few minutes of the show. I recorded three scenes without sound, and those same scenes with sound.
First Scene( Without sound): Older gentleman and younger man were verbally communicating. Younger man was giving very little eye contact, and spent most of the conversation looking downward. Based on the way they are communicating, it appears that there is some type of strain in the relationship; there seems to be some type of distance between them. Second Scene: In this seen, two women( one sitting behind a desk, and the other standing), appear to be in some type of discord. The woman standing looks disappointed and sad. The woman sitting, does not appear to care anything about the sorrowful expression on the other woman's face. Third Scene: A woman unlocks a door and finds a gentleman standing in the apartment holding a bottle of champagne or wine. They were both smiling from cheek to cheek and  looked madly in love with one another.  
After watching the show with sound, I learned that my assumptions about the first scene was pretty much on target. The two gentleman consisted of a father and a son( just found out about one another); the son was angry, because he found out his parents separated because the father left his mother for her sister. In the second scene the woman were sisters. They too were at odds with one another. The sister sitting behind the desk, was telling the sister standing that she would be leaving town to get away from her and the husband she stole from her. I was completely wrong about the final scene. The woman who opened the door to find the handsome man standing in her living room with a bottle of wine, was not her husband, boyfriend or mate; in fact, he had been let into the apartment by a friend or family member of the woman. He wanted to celebrate a possible career opportunity with her. My sister did inform me, that he was fond of her. I think if I was watching a show I knew well, I would be familiar with the characters, and the story line; so my assumptions, and thoughts about the show would probably be accurate.

Effective Communication

As a married woman, I have come to learn and understand what ineffective, and effective communication looks like. I am learning to resist the yelling; especially when I feel like I am not being heard. This school year, as I mentioned in a prior post, I am working in a fifth grade class. There are twenty eight students in the class, and nine of those students have major academic and behavioral issues. The teacher  and I spend the majority of the day, disciplining and correcting negative behavior. I have never seen such a patient teacher. He does not yell( and trust me, he has every right too). He is consistent with consequences. If he says the students will loose recess, he means It; and they miss their recess. If he  has to call a parent, he expresses his concerns, and then he listens; stays calm, and the outcome is usually successful. In our text, " Real Communication An Introduction", the authors describe competent communication as the process; "It is better to optimize outcomes for both partners than to fulfill the specific goals of the outcome or ". The process by which he communicate with students and parents is successful. Like Mr. G,  I desire to stay calm under stressful circumstances, and still communicate effectively.